There’s something so incredibly simple that we all do when we hurt.

We ask for help.

So why, when I get hurt emotionally or otherwise, do I feel guilty when reaching out to others? I’ll feel empty, like a soul yearning for warmth in a sunless sky. A cup, knocked over and waiting to be filled. I understand that connection with another would help me; satiate the longing I feel in my heart. But I feel like I’m being disingenuous, as if I’m using one of my friends; only wanting their connection because it grants me reprieve.

What if the way I act is not how I want others to perceive me? Let me explain. Let’s say I wake up feeling nauseous, aching, and overall off. I don’t want to act tired, cranky, or as if I’m feeling off. But if I act normal, I won’t be treated the way I want to- I’ll be expected to perform and act to the degree at which is expected. So what if I act in a certain way such that others will respond in the way I want them to? Am I manipulating others? Am I just reinventing why people act off or unwell? Must I put on a facade so that I may be treated the way I want to be? Why must I be cursed with this unneeded complexity of my emotions? Is this what comes from deep introspection?

Why do I give others all of the leeway in the world, all of the kindness, compassion, and space to allow them to voice all that is on their mind, and yet I cannot bestow upon myself a fraction of that understanding and empathy?